I don't know why but Cam wanted to talk on the phone. I came home at 2:40AM from the Zeds Dead show at House of Blues.  They are fucking SICK. I just fucking hated how I was in front of big people the whole time, and I was surrounded by girls (afraid of hurting them because I'm really aggressive but I eventually stopped giving a fuck and did my own thing).

We talked for about 40 minutes on the phone. That's the longest conversation I had on the phone with a guy since.... I don't even know.  I didn't even talked to Alex that long on the phone (our phone calls weren't even conversations, it was just like stupid little comments and stupid silences).

I learn a lot from Cam. I really love how free-spirited he is. He'd make a great and really cool friend.
Don't think I'd ever hook up with him again. I just can't....... The most I'd do is make out, but nothing more... I just can't.

Just realized today that I can't do more than make out with flings.  I don't think I can actually have sex with them.  I just can't.  I can't have sex with a lot of different guys. It has to be consistent, a fuck buddy is good.  I just don't want to get attached or have them get attached to me.

Cam is good at conversing on the phone, it's just, he mumbles a lot and it's hard to hear at times so I have to keep on having him repeat what he said... I don't like asking people to repeat because I feel like they'd get annoyed, but he says that he's used to it and doesn't mind.

I'm sad, today (technically yesterday), I don't know how I even feel about Ivan.  I'm really scared of him.... Not like, OMG HE'S GOING TO KILL ME type of scared. I just, I don't know. After our hangout I feel like my impression of him and how much of an altruistic person he is, is shattered........ I don't like how he talks shit about his friends.  I wonder if he tells them to their face that the stuff they do bother him... It makes me wonder if he's a big fake or not.  I wonder if HE uses me as a distraction? I don't know. I would rather not have him talk to me ever again if he's only using me as a distraction. It would really hurt to find out that he doesn't really like hanging out with me and is only using me for his entertainment. He says that he's sick of his friends and finds them unpleasant most of the time.  He only hangs out with them when he wants to feel a certain mood, and even then the time he hangs out with them is limited.  I just hope that I'm not one of those friends.

Wow, I dunno. It really helped me out, having a conversation on the phone with Cam. Now I'm not really scared of talking on the phone.  I'm more confident on the phone!!! How exciting!!!  It's going to be easier to talk with most people because they don't mumble or have a stutter. Woah... I'm going to thank Cam tomorrow afternoon!! Even though I barely got to hang with him, I learned a LOT of good lessons from him.

1. Don't give a fuck (free-spirited)
2. Fuck being too cool for shit
3. Try/Do shit that you're not good at or have never tried 
4. It's not so scary to talk to people on the phone

Wowow CamCam! Thank you!

I wonder what influence he was under when he called me today....

Cam is really cool, I want to be a good friend with him!!
He's a total sweetheart one on one. He's kind of a douchebag among groups.


I'm going to call Ivan up tomorrow and talk to him on the phone and ask him about himself!!