Something a guy that worked at a coffee shop texted me after I asked him what constituted as a good hangout to get to know someone would be like for him, the same night I met him;

How I met him: I decided to walk into the coffee shop because it was empty and I wanted to sit in a fairly empty place to read my book "Happiness is a Serious Problem". As I was reading, I looked up and saw him mopping the floor. I wasn't planning on ordering any drinks that night but I found him attractive and used buying a drink as a bridge to compliment him.  I wanted to tell him that I found him good looking but instead it played out in this manner: I went up to him at the counter, browsed the menu, ordered a iced vanilla latte and complimented him on his voice. He has a Thom Yorke type of voice. We had a short conversation about reasons as to why we weren't capable of finishing books. I went back to my table and sat down to read until they closed the shop. As I left the coffee shop, he ran towards my direction and yelled out "hey". I turned around and thought I left something important back at the shop. He went up to me and gave me a piece of paper with his phone number on it. I thanked him and we went our separate ways.

"Case by case basis. To be honest, I want to get naked with you and have a deep conversation with you (no pun intended)."

Something Cam said to me in one of my first conversations on the phone with him,

"Fuck being too cool for shit."

Wow, I've grown so much in just almost half a year.

18 units this semester....... I'm extremely intimidated!! The most units I had ever taken was 14 units. This is a big jump... But I KNOW I can do it if I put my mind to it!!! Dan Tam. YOU CAN FUCKING DO IT!! I just need to put my mental into that mindset.

After talking to Lan tonight, I feel SO inspired by her motivation and dedication for her extracurricular activities. Going BEYOND the minimum. Exactly what Ira tells me to do!!! I really need to get into that mindset... I REALLY NEED TO!!! WHAT AM I DOING!?

I need to start training myself starting TODAY. I have.... 3 days to prove to myself that I can work hard.

I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET NEW AND INTERESTING PEOPLE!!! I am determined to meet and become really good friends with at least 1 AMBITIOUS, INSPIRING and SUPER INTERESTING individual this semester.

I went flatlining this morning with Trevor over at Lake Park.  So fucking difficult, I need to go on handicap mode (hold onto trevor's shoulders) to get onto the actual rope. The longest I can balance on it is probably around 5 seconds and the most steps I can take was  BARELY 2, 1 to be completely honest. It's pretty fucking mindblowing once I actually realized that I was STANDING on a fucking thin ass rope. It trips me out! But it's super cool! I'm really glad Trevor convinced me to go flatlining with him! He even gave me a a bundle of bananas. Ahahahahaha....... Kewl shit, kewl shit! Need to strap down tonight and do some reading. I have been SUPER unproductive this week.

He's a really cool friend to have around, he calls me out on all my bullshit excuses and everything. I feel like I'm going to learn a lot from him!  He's a total sage. I also learn a shit ton whenever I listen to him talk! Definitely one of the coolest peoples I know!

Spontaneously took Kenny out to eat Pho today.
HAHAHAHA, I can't believe I actually did it.

I told myself a month ago that I would take his cute ass to Pho one day.
And wow, I was kind of giving up at first. But after his status of "will wash car for Pho", I thought I slightly got it. And then now, after I decided to post on his wall, "Am I allowed to objectify you", the convo ends in me taking him out to pho.

HAHAHA he was probably caught by complete surprise once he found out I was completely serious.

Now for him to wash my car later on today......... Or Monday.........

He's actually a very sweet and smart guy! Despite his aesthetic and demeanor, he's really fucking chill! And hilarious as FUCK!! AHAHHA

"Stop being a fuckin' alien!!!"

Never thought I'd actually do this............... DAMN. I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF.

CONFIDENCE BOOST 100+

I want a picture with him.

I feel like such a shallow bitch...... It disgusts me.

Nobody wants to be alone.
The heart beats happy when it has a place.
And if it doesn't have a home
It can come into my space.

So you can be the one I love.
I can be the one you long for.
You can be the one I want... want.
And you can be the one I love.
This could be our world wide open.
You can be the one I want... want.

When you've fallen for someone
But that someone doesn't feel the same.
But before you come undone
You can call out my name.

So you can be the one I love.
I can be the one you long for.
You can be the one I want... want.
And you can be the one I love.
This could be our world wide open.
You can be the one I want... want.

(So you can be the one... one one one
I can be the one... one one one
So you can be the one... one one one
I can be the one... one one one)

So you can be the one I love.
I can be the one you long for.
You can be the one I want... want.
And you can be the one I love.
This could be our world wide open.
You can be the one I want... want.

Audiotistic was a blast last night. Simon is a really cool guy. I really don't want to hurt him.
I also find it really strange how eerily parallel our lives/personalities are.

Anyway, I don't know, not to think too much into the future, but I kind of have a feeling that I'd drop every guy for Adam..... I don't know... We'll see.

On a lighter note, I think I should invest in a Disneyland pass. 
I would use Disneyland as a place to escape and hide in whenever I'm feeling anti-social.

I've been feeling really unproductive these past 3 days... Need to work on the Spreadsheet.
Need to set some time out to ride. I don't want to be hanging out with friends everyday.
I also get really fucking irritated whenever I tell my friends I'm not able to hang out and then they'd freak out on me and get mad or complain. I hate having to stop my momentum.  It's so hard to get it rolling, but once it's rolling, it's all smoothness from there.

Learning another foreign languages is a skill that I can hone by myself that can get me to places really easily.
Imagine myself... Fluent in 6 languages and putting that down on my resume...
I KNOW that I have the ability to do so, I just need to learn how to FOCUS and FOLLOW THROUGH.
I'm going to try really hard to focus on Mandarin....  Cherry's friend from Humboldt, Matthew is an inspiration! Fluent Mandarin in 6 MONTHS. Wow. That is pure inspiration and motivation right there.


Languages to Learn:
- Chinese (Mandarin) ****
- Arabic
- Spanish
- Korean
- Latin

What to do by the end of this summer:
- Apply for organizations that Ira recommended
- Volunteer
- Read "Irony of Democracy"
- Re-read certain chapters from Poli Sci textbook
- Practice my Chinese

I plan on being popular and well loved all around.
Using that title and reputation of mine to inspire people and motivate them to be productive and helpful, loving members of their community.

I think I should start by building my name through youtube.
I can definitely do it. I already have almost 700 subscribers...
That's a nice start. Right?

CamCam called me again! Iono.... I am somewhat suspicious of his motives!
He told me that I was mind blowing and an amazing person when I asked what he thought of me as a person.
He said I was selfless, amazing, wonderful person!  I want to ask him what made him think I was a selfless person. I will save that for when I see him in real life next weekend!

He's a total cutie though.... Says that at the moment he really wants to cuddle with me...
Aww man what the hell....... ;__; That makes my heart skip a beat...... I want to cuddle with him too.....

I'm not quite sure why he's all of a sudden pursuing me.... I suspicious....... But yesh, must think in the present, "be here now, be here now, be here now".

Okay seriously though, I feel really fucking bad right now....  I had 3 guys on my plate... And if Cammy is added it will be 4...... Adam, Simon, Ivan........ What the heck!!! They are all really good people. But so far Adam is #1 because I know that he loves me and knows me the most! I also love him and know him the most!

But le sigh.... I'm not into committed relationships or anything of that sort at the moment... I want some time to explore and see what kind of guys out there. To be honest being in that 3 year relationship with Alex fucking scarred me for life... Knowing that I missed out on so many opportunities.. I don't want to feel that way again.... Want to feel completely free at the moment....... Because I know that once I get into a relationship I am strictly monogamous.... No joke!! And I'm not even forcing myself either, I just....get into that mode.

I don't want to break any hearts.... What to do... What to do... I am a fucking horn dog though and I am severely lacking affection............. So I feel like I'm going to pounce on the guy the gets physically closest to me.... If Adam was out of jail it would definitely be with him.... But at the same time, I don't want to ruin the relationship that we have at the moment....!! It's good the way it is!!

Gosh, when Simon was dancing with me...... I got really aroused..... He definitely knows how to touch.... He didn't touch my private no no areas, just my thighs and stomach and we were holding hands at short points in the night! Eeeeeeh... Wanna do it again but to music that we can actually properly dance/grind to.  I feel that we were both nervous and went a bit too fast and didn't go very well to the music. Fucking dumb........ Perhaps I shall invite him to Cantina tomorrow? Iono.

Gosh damn it Dan Tam. Why the fuck do you have so many guys at the moment...... @_@ You never asked for this or want any of this.... But I guess I have to make do with it and see how things go with them...

Oh my goodness... I feel like I really need to go and see Ritha and see how things are... That's $25 right there.. It's okay............ I just got my check.... It will be a good investment I think.

Kinda sad and mad that Thu won't fucking hit me up when she's free to hang out with me. She's not making the effort, I'm the only one initiating.... But I guess she's the type where people have to initiate to hang out with her nowadays.....

Whatevers, I'm just living life, trying to be a good girl. Need to do TWICE the work on my spreadsheet for tomorrow because I didn't get around to doing it today. I'm a BAD GIRL!!!

I would also like to be thankful and grateful for this life of mine..... I am so grateful and feel very lucky to be so fortunate.... With every aspect of life....

They stare at me while I crave you.......

Found a picture I drew from literally over 10 years ago.....




"ROBOCHU"

Harlan - Computer Games Under the Sun

My first solo attendance Dubstep show. 

LA BEATDOWN: AJAPAI @ THE MUSIC BOX ; JULY 16, 2011

I don't know why but Cam wanted to talk on the phone. I came home at 2:40AM from the Zeds Dead show at House of Blues.  They are fucking SICK. I just fucking hated how I was in front of big people the whole time, and I was surrounded by girls (afraid of hurting them because I'm really aggressive but I eventually stopped giving a fuck and did my own thing).

We talked for about 40 minutes on the phone. That's the longest conversation I had on the phone with a guy since.... I don't even know.  I didn't even talked to Alex that long on the phone (our phone calls weren't even conversations, it was just like stupid little comments and stupid silences).

I learn a lot from Cam. I really love how free-spirited he is. He'd make a great and really cool friend.
Don't think I'd ever hook up with him again. I just can't....... The most I'd do is make out, but nothing more... I just can't.

Just realized today that I can't do more than make out with flings.  I don't think I can actually have sex with them.  I just can't.  I can't have sex with a lot of different guys. It has to be consistent, a fuck buddy is good.  I just don't want to get attached or have them get attached to me.

Cam is good at conversing on the phone, it's just, he mumbles a lot and it's hard to hear at times so I have to keep on having him repeat what he said... I don't like asking people to repeat because I feel like they'd get annoyed, but he says that he's used to it and doesn't mind.

I'm sad, today (technically yesterday), I don't know how I even feel about Ivan.  I'm really scared of him.... Not like, OMG HE'S GOING TO KILL ME type of scared. I just, I don't know. After our hangout I feel like my impression of him and how much of an altruistic person he is, is shattered........ I don't like how he talks shit about his friends.  I wonder if he tells them to their face that the stuff they do bother him... It makes me wonder if he's a big fake or not.  I wonder if HE uses me as a distraction? I don't know. I would rather not have him talk to me ever again if he's only using me as a distraction. It would really hurt to find out that he doesn't really like hanging out with me and is only using me for his entertainment. He says that he's sick of his friends and finds them unpleasant most of the time.  He only hangs out with them when he wants to feel a certain mood, and even then the time he hangs out with them is limited.  I just hope that I'm not one of those friends.

Wow, I dunno. It really helped me out, having a conversation on the phone with Cam. Now I'm not really scared of talking on the phone.  I'm more confident on the phone!!! How exciting!!!  It's going to be easier to talk with most people because they don't mumble or have a stutter. Woah... I'm going to thank Cam tomorrow afternoon!! Even though I barely got to hang with him, I learned a LOT of good lessons from him.

1. Don't give a fuck (free-spirited)
2. Fuck being too cool for shit
3. Try/Do shit that you're not good at or have never tried 
4. It's not so scary to talk to people on the phone

Wowow CamCam! Thank you!

I wonder what influence he was under when he called me today....

Cam is really cool, I want to be a good friend with him!!
He's a total sweetheart one on one. He's kind of a douchebag among groups.


I'm going to call Ivan up tomorrow and talk to him on the phone and ask him about himself!!

Adam:

7-19-11

PS- been finkin... haven't been laid in 19 months. but what if I did? I probably wouldn't have gotten close to anyone, still.  I mean like, what would I have to for it anyways? what does it matter? they would fade away upon me going to jail anyways... no one stays carin for me over a period of months... thank you for bein my friend [Once Again Dubstep Remix] like really, I'm so grateful to have you in my life. It's so fucking worth my recent lack of sexy just to have met you, Dan Tam.  You're worth more than abstinance in the aphex of sexual gratification in a growing pubescent boiiiiii!!!!!!! You're my baby no matter what...

Oh Adam!!! This made me feel so warm and pleasant!!!  You will always have a special place in my heart no matter what!

Once I save up the money, I'm going to get out a map of europe, close my eyes, and randomly place my fingers on a random spot on the map (if it happens to land on the ocean I'll do it again until I hit land).  I will go there.  Okay, perhaps a map of just western europe, because eastern europe is a bit too hardcore for me, I'm still a newbie.

Katarina is an inspiration!! She is backpacking and couchsurfing in Paris at the moment! Gosh, so spontaneous and adventurous! She's one of the most beautiful girls I've met both inside and out! So down to Earth. She is SO COOL!!!!!

I must enjoy life and live in the present!!

I feel that Ivan is some kind of guardian angel for me..... (guarding me from having the mindset of an irresponsible teenager). Oh, the perfect word to describe him is that he's similar to being my conscience!

A muse that I look to that keeps me in line without even telling me to stay in line.

It's the thought of him that makes me not want to drink and get shit faced.
I keep on hearing him in the back of my head saying "I can have fun without drinking".

This is what I learned from getting drunk for the first time (this is an excerpt of my response to Ira):
It is very true, I got drunk for the first time a couple of weeks ago (yes a couple of weeks ago.... it took me that long), and I now understand why my peers are so addicted to that feeling... It's very fun when you don't think and just do whatever idea that comes to the top of your head (hopefully it's nothing retarded). But it's also really dumb at the same time. Also, I notice that a lot of people depend on the feeling of drunkenness because it makes their "confidence levels" increase because they give less of a fuck when they're drunk and they're more sociable. I feel sorry for these people who have to depend on being drunk to be able to socialize with others... It must be a very sad life...... I try really hard not to become dependent on anything (it scares me to be dependent on things).

And after yesterday's conversation on the phone, it's him that inspires me to do productive things this summer for my resumes/application for college.

I'm so fucking happy that he's got an interview with Kaplan for a tutor position and that he will be working on a Youtube series teaching..I forgot what he was going to be teaching but still! He's doing stuff to put on his grad school resume! I'm so fucking proud and happy for him!!!!! He's so fucking cool!!!

I really like him.....

I feel so lucky to have met him!!

Ivan, Cherry, Adam, Nathan and Thu are my muses all in different aspects of life.
People who I have the utmost respect for.

I'm so lucky...... The world fucking loves me....