Found a picture I drew from literally over 10 years ago.....




"ROBOCHU"

Harlan - Computer Games Under the Sun

My first solo attendance Dubstep show. 

LA BEATDOWN: AJAPAI @ THE MUSIC BOX ; JULY 16, 2011

I don't know why but Cam wanted to talk on the phone. I came home at 2:40AM from the Zeds Dead show at House of Blues.  They are fucking SICK. I just fucking hated how I was in front of big people the whole time, and I was surrounded by girls (afraid of hurting them because I'm really aggressive but I eventually stopped giving a fuck and did my own thing).

We talked for about 40 minutes on the phone. That's the longest conversation I had on the phone with a guy since.... I don't even know.  I didn't even talked to Alex that long on the phone (our phone calls weren't even conversations, it was just like stupid little comments and stupid silences).

I learn a lot from Cam. I really love how free-spirited he is. He'd make a great and really cool friend.
Don't think I'd ever hook up with him again. I just can't....... The most I'd do is make out, but nothing more... I just can't.

Just realized today that I can't do more than make out with flings.  I don't think I can actually have sex with them.  I just can't.  I can't have sex with a lot of different guys. It has to be consistent, a fuck buddy is good.  I just don't want to get attached or have them get attached to me.

Cam is good at conversing on the phone, it's just, he mumbles a lot and it's hard to hear at times so I have to keep on having him repeat what he said... I don't like asking people to repeat because I feel like they'd get annoyed, but he says that he's used to it and doesn't mind.

I'm sad, today (technically yesterday), I don't know how I even feel about Ivan.  I'm really scared of him.... Not like, OMG HE'S GOING TO KILL ME type of scared. I just, I don't know. After our hangout I feel like my impression of him and how much of an altruistic person he is, is shattered........ I don't like how he talks shit about his friends.  I wonder if he tells them to their face that the stuff they do bother him... It makes me wonder if he's a big fake or not.  I wonder if HE uses me as a distraction? I don't know. I would rather not have him talk to me ever again if he's only using me as a distraction. It would really hurt to find out that he doesn't really like hanging out with me and is only using me for his entertainment. He says that he's sick of his friends and finds them unpleasant most of the time.  He only hangs out with them when he wants to feel a certain mood, and even then the time he hangs out with them is limited.  I just hope that I'm not one of those friends.

Wow, I dunno. It really helped me out, having a conversation on the phone with Cam. Now I'm not really scared of talking on the phone.  I'm more confident on the phone!!! How exciting!!!  It's going to be easier to talk with most people because they don't mumble or have a stutter. Woah... I'm going to thank Cam tomorrow afternoon!! Even though I barely got to hang with him, I learned a LOT of good lessons from him.

1. Don't give a fuck (free-spirited)
2. Fuck being too cool for shit
3. Try/Do shit that you're not good at or have never tried 
4. It's not so scary to talk to people on the phone

Wowow CamCam! Thank you!

I wonder what influence he was under when he called me today....

Cam is really cool, I want to be a good friend with him!!
He's a total sweetheart one on one. He's kind of a douchebag among groups.


I'm going to call Ivan up tomorrow and talk to him on the phone and ask him about himself!!

Adam:

7-19-11

PS- been finkin... haven't been laid in 19 months. but what if I did? I probably wouldn't have gotten close to anyone, still.  I mean like, what would I have to for it anyways? what does it matter? they would fade away upon me going to jail anyways... no one stays carin for me over a period of months... thank you for bein my friend [Once Again Dubstep Remix] like really, I'm so grateful to have you in my life. It's so fucking worth my recent lack of sexy just to have met you, Dan Tam.  You're worth more than abstinance in the aphex of sexual gratification in a growing pubescent boiiiiii!!!!!!! You're my baby no matter what...

Oh Adam!!! This made me feel so warm and pleasant!!!  You will always have a special place in my heart no matter what!

Once I save up the money, I'm going to get out a map of europe, close my eyes, and randomly place my fingers on a random spot on the map (if it happens to land on the ocean I'll do it again until I hit land).  I will go there.  Okay, perhaps a map of just western europe, because eastern europe is a bit too hardcore for me, I'm still a newbie.

Katarina is an inspiration!! She is backpacking and couchsurfing in Paris at the moment! Gosh, so spontaneous and adventurous! She's one of the most beautiful girls I've met both inside and out! So down to Earth. She is SO COOL!!!!!

I must enjoy life and live in the present!!

I feel that Ivan is some kind of guardian angel for me..... (guarding me from having the mindset of an irresponsible teenager). Oh, the perfect word to describe him is that he's similar to being my conscience!

A muse that I look to that keeps me in line without even telling me to stay in line.

It's the thought of him that makes me not want to drink and get shit faced.
I keep on hearing him in the back of my head saying "I can have fun without drinking".

This is what I learned from getting drunk for the first time (this is an excerpt of my response to Ira):
It is very true, I got drunk for the first time a couple of weeks ago (yes a couple of weeks ago.... it took me that long), and I now understand why my peers are so addicted to that feeling... It's very fun when you don't think and just do whatever idea that comes to the top of your head (hopefully it's nothing retarded). But it's also really dumb at the same time. Also, I notice that a lot of people depend on the feeling of drunkenness because it makes their "confidence levels" increase because they give less of a fuck when they're drunk and they're more sociable. I feel sorry for these people who have to depend on being drunk to be able to socialize with others... It must be a very sad life...... I try really hard not to become dependent on anything (it scares me to be dependent on things).

And after yesterday's conversation on the phone, it's him that inspires me to do productive things this summer for my resumes/application for college.

I'm so fucking happy that he's got an interview with Kaplan for a tutor position and that he will be working on a Youtube series teaching..I forgot what he was going to be teaching but still! He's doing stuff to put on his grad school resume! I'm so fucking proud and happy for him!!!!! He's so fucking cool!!!

I really like him.....

I feel so lucky to have met him!!

Ivan, Cherry, Adam, Nathan and Thu are my muses all in different aspects of life.
People who I have the utmost respect for.

I'm so lucky...... The world fucking loves me....