I feel like designing my own t-shirts (clothes). It all looks so fucking easy.
I bought this crop trop from nikkilipstick for $25 and it was NOT even worth that much.
I was expecting a lot more for the quality. It's all hyphy shit anyway.

I think I can do WAY better for $20!

Probably going to have Xiu promote it!

I kind of seriously want to relive the past 1.5 weeks again. Seriously.

I had never been SO happy in my life.

Alex (June 22, 2011; 2:11PM): I have something to share with you, re-reading and rethinking about our relationship has brought up this old horrible feeling. 
I know I was your first serious relationship, and that you didn't really know what was going on most of the time psyche-wise, but you HAVE To bond with your partner. (I am not saying we didn't bond, I am saying we could've bonded better)
Something you have a hard time with is connecting on THEIR emotional or mental level. Bond with them, not over activities or silly dates (we did tons of that), bond with them emotionally, sit down, take their hand, and talk. just TALK, talk about their feelings, force them to share themselves.
We never did it, but I know I would've been a lot happier if we did. Something I felt throughout the entire thing was that you didn't care enough to try to reach deeper into me, into who I was. Now, I know that this isn't completely true, and there are factors that may change everything, such as my not completely being open with you, and that you not knowing what to say.
But you have to do it, you have to force it. "I shouldn't have to pressure you into sharing with me..." You're right, you SHOULDN'T have to, but sometimes you just do, sometimes, with some people, you just need to push a little bit for whatever reason. Life isn't set in stone, there's no perfect line to say to anyone, because everyone is generally different.
I don't know, I'm just going to incorporate this into future relationships, you might not have to, since you might meet a partner who's PERFECT at doing this. 
Point is, you suck at it, work at it. It's important, I guarantee you, if you succeed, you and that lucky person will be all the happier.

Wow, I was completely caught by surprise by this message from Alex.  He really does care about me.... I never thought I'd ever see him saying something of this nature to me.  It's something that is actually for my sole benefit and not for his.

I wish for  his the utmost happiness. He's talented. He'll find the perfect girl.

DT: Happy fathers day, ba!
Daddy: Ok,good daugter , try the best if DAN TAM can do (okay, good daughter try the best you can do)
DT: Ca mon ba! I love you very much!
Daddy: Ok

OH MY GOD!! I think I'm going to cry... I almost teared up getting the first text from my daddy!!! He is a man that rarely ever shows affection.  He seems very cold but I know that he loves us all!!! Oh god... I knew it was a good idea to text my daddy, happy father's day!! Ahaha I hope he shows it off to his friends and I hope all of his friends are jealous that their daughters or sons don't text them.

In this culture people value youth, and the ability to be able to be up to date with technology is a sign of youth and being up to date with modern society.  Being able to text is one of those things.  Not many adults are able to text with their phones efficiently, but those that do are revered as being tech savvy (or at least tech savvier than most of their peers).

Children are usually very distant to their parents (or at least try to distance themselves away from their parents), in means of independence.  To be frank, children nowadays (my peers) would usually almost never text their parents unless they want something from them.  So me texting my father, something of somewhat sentimental value (even though texting is so impersonal) means a lot.

MYAAAH!! I'm so happy!! I really want to make daddy feel loved.... I feel that he feels left out because  me, gh, and chi uyen don't ever really show affection towards daddy.  I showed him affection on his birthday by giving him a big hug and then I showed him affection by making him give me a kiss on the cheek before I left gh's graduation dinner to head off to fry's to by a charger for my camera!

EEE! Happy! Must show daddy more affection and reassure him that he is loved!!!

I went to the one of the best parties I had ever been to in my life (haven't been too much) but it was the first party I had attended that I had actually really fucking enjoyed.  I don't like the crowd there but the ambiance and atmosphere was EXACTLY the type that you see in those hipster indie movies.  There was a live dj from socal (fullerton) that supposedly played at low end theory, playing in the garage of the house.  I'm sad that the party ended early because the cops rolled in at around 12... FUCK! It was so awesome while it lasted though.  The garage was dimly lit by this awesome purple and blue smoky galaxy lighting on the ceiling spotted with green dots.  Gosh the whole atmosphere was amazing.

Also, I haven't been drunk at all yet, I've only been really buzzed'ish.  But it's all good, I'm having a lot of fun with Nathan and his friends! Everyone is super nice and chill, I love it!!!

Nathan takes good care of me!

Hung out with Ivan today.  He's such a gentleman.  That is really rare nowadays.
I actually don't know any genuine gentlemen.  He's a first.

He's a really good guy. Met up with him at Paris Baguette at 12PM.
He bought me a pastry thingy. He pays for everything, I'm not used to it at all.

We sat and talked for awhile, he showed me a video of why he thought hockey was beautiful.
We played this one GRE Analogy Quiz App on his phone.  It was really fun actually.
I think it's really really cool how we're able to do these kinds of things and enjoy it.
Talking to him has been very mentally stimulating.

I really love the mix cd he gave me the first time we hung out. I gave him my mix cd for him today, I burned it over at the bakery last minute.  BUT, rest assured, I put in a LOT of effort and time in making that playlist.  A couple days actually.  It wasn't a last minute, I will give him, THIS THIS THIS AND THIS.  I actually thought about it and revised and edited the playlist a couple of times.  I also positioned the songs so that they transition well, so it doesn't come off as abrupt changes in moods/tempos/genre.  Gotta make it flow and coherent.

We had 'til 3PM to do whatevers because the public rink doesn't open up until then.  Oh yeah, he was about to ask me if I wanted to go rock climbing but then he saw the outfit I wore today and was like, "LOL oh yeah no, we can't go rock climbing".  So we decided upon ice skating, of which I was VERY scared of.  I didn't want to make a fool out of myself and fall all over myself.  I haven't skated in FOREVER, I didn't want to look like a retard. But things turned out very well.

Anyway, after Paris Baguette, he decided to "kidnap" me and take me over to the hockey store he used to work at and get his skates sharpened by his friend!  It was cool, I've never been to a hockey store.  He's taken me to a lot of places that I have never been to before.  I think it was really cool, first it was the animal shelter, this time it was ice skating.

After the hockey store, we drove over to where the rink was.  It was the old Ice Palace, the Ducks had bought it out.  Since it still wasn't 3PM we sat in the car and I opened up to him about how I used to be insecure about my small boobs.  It started out with me asking for his opinion on plastic surgery.  He says that he is not a fan of it, but in certain circumstances where it's needed i.e: his brother got into an accident that caused third degree burns on 60% of his body.  He's a really nice guy, he also had a girlfriend that was self conscious about her boobs because his previous 2 girlfriends had pretty big boobs, and he told her not to worry about it and that he doesn't love her for her boobs or anything like that.  He's a really fucking nice guy... Jeez...... It's unbelievable!

Finally it was time to go into the rink.  He paid for admission and rental skates and everything.  I wanted to pay for half of it but he gave me a look and was like "put that away right now!". I'm still not used to not paying! I feel really bad...... Like a leech.

I was very nervous about going on the ice, I seriously didn't want to make a fool out of myself!!  But he made me feel very comfortable.  He also has really really quick reflex and would always catch me before I even really fell much.

His way of teaching me how to skate again was that he'd skate backwards and then have me hold his hands and push him backwards, skating forwards.  It really did help A LOT.  I was just like, "Can we just skate like this for the whole time? I don't feel safe otherwise!".  I didn't let him let me go and would whine when he was about to let me go.

After I got used to skating I guess we somehow winded up side by side.  I was still scared, and then I really don't know how it happened but I guess he held my hand.  At first it was going to be like the awkward couple type of holding hands where your fingers aren't intertwined together, but I fixed that, but adjusting my fingers and had intertwined it with him.  I also switched the hands in a way where my hand was on top.

He then said, "You were dominate in your last relationship, huh?"
Me: "YEAH! Oh wait, how did you know!?"
Ivan: "Because your hand is in the dominant position, on top of mine."
Me: "OH! Are you usually on top?"
Ivan: "Yeah."
Me:  "Okay! We can alternate".

Something along those lines...................

So we just held hands as we made rounds and talked around the rink.  Him holding my hand made me feel a lot more safe.  It also felt very strange hold another person's hand...... I've never really.... I dunno. He's the second guy I had ever held hands with.  And it wasn't even awkward either. How cool!

I asked him about why his previous relationships ended.  I think he was pretty sad talking about it.... Should I have not gone there?  I dunno, but it really is interesting to know why people's relationships end.

Gosh, he's so nice. Whenever he saw a little kid fall on the ice, he'd go and check to see if they're okay and he'd even give them tips on how to improve!  Man...... He is SO SO nice.  He is definitely husband material.  He'd make a really good family man, a really good husband.

He says that he's trying to think of "pure" thoughts. I asked what he meant by that. He says that he's trying to not check out girls in that perverse way. Thinking of thoughts towards people that he is not in the position to do so. Which is really fucking hard. I give him lots of respect and props for making an effort such as that though.

  

After ice skating he took me back to my car parked over at Paris Baguette.  We hugged.  I really like how unawkward our hugs are.  I'd let him hug me in his style (the steering style) and I'd hug him where my arms is around his torso, he felt it was weird hugging that way because he hugged around my shoulder area.  So I made it easier and put my arms around his neck and his around my waist.  That was a lot better! He smells good, wears cologne from Kenneth Cole.  I was walking somewhere and had smelled a guy that smelled similar to Ivan.  It was funny.

I kinda really wished that I gave him a peck on the cheek for being so sweet.

OH YEAH, a funny incident, so he looks at me and tells me that it was great hanging out with me today.  And I look at him and then push/hit him on his right shoulder area and was all like "YEAH!!" Ahaha. I just realized how fucking masculine that is, and then he reciprocates and does the same. THEN I had realized how manly that was....... Ahahaha, he's so cute.  Then I was like, "AHAHAHA.. *hug*"

I really do find him attractive.

I was looking around on fuckyeahazngirls.tumblr.com for good samples of "sexy posing".
Going to do a little self-shoot on Adam's request.

While browsing on FYAG, I stumbled upon this video of a girl poledancing.
It was one of the most beautiful and graceful thing I had ever seen......
She's dancing so gracefully, alone by herself.

It seems very lonely, but at the same time it is beautiful because of that.
It's a form of dance, an art! It's not trashy AT all.
Like what dirdybirdy says, "Pole dancing is not stripping and stripping is not pole dancing!"

I really do dislike people who just completely judge on the surface level of things.

I really want to go check out the S Factor classes!!
I'm going to try out the intro class and see whether or not I like it.
I'm sure I'd like it though.

I think this class will really help me out with my confidence and help me come out of my shell of being self-conscious of people watching what I do and criticizing me for looking weird or trying too hard.

I don't know why I care so much about what people view of me. I have this irrational fear of looking like I'm trying too hard.  It's embarrassing. Maybe it's because I look down on people who look like they're trying too hard.  Perhaps I need to STOP caring and STOP judging people.

Perhaps then, I will become more psychologically free.

OKAY DAN TAM. NEW SELF-IMPROVEMENT PROJECT FOR YOU:

STOP JUDGING PEOPLE.
DON'T LOOK DOWN ON PEOPLE WHEN THEY LOOK LIKE THEY'RE TRYING TOO HARD.

It's not bad to WANT to look like you're good at something or try and put effort into something you want to achieve.  It's NOT BAD AT ALL.  Just do it, and fuck whoever looks at you sideways. Just fuck it!! Why should you care anyway?  Are you trying to impress them? Why do they matter?  It's not like you're going to see them again.  All the people that you respect and love won't ever judge you, and those are the people that matter.  So fuck it all and JUST DO IT!!

Concentrate on what you're trying to do and don't bother even looking around to see if anyone else is there to scrutinize your actions.

You might look like a total tard at first but WHO DOESN'T when they first dip their feet into something new? IT'S OKAY.

WE ALL HAVE TO START SOMEWHERE AND WE ALL LOOK LIKE A RETARD STARTING AT THAT SOMEWHERE.  BUT WE WILL PROGRESS AND EVOLVE INTO SOMETHING LESS RETARDED AND MORE BEAUTIFUL.

PERSERVERANCE IS BEAUTIFUL!

Ivan called me today around an hour ago. We had a 12 minute convo on the phone........
He's one of the most hilarious persons I had ever met..... Jeez........
Seeing him on Friday?

What's sad is that I forgot what he looked like....... All I know is that he looks similar to Joseph Gordon Levitt...
But everytime I talk to him I fucking see Jeremy Ridn0r face from College Beats....... EEEEEK......
That makes me feel weird and I'm not even attracted to Jeremy.  I think he hates me too. OH shit just watched some of his videos on his vimeo......... Oh god now I can't stop thinking about what Ivan ACTUALLY looks like.

EEK! I have a final in 18 hours.
I really should get my ass to fucking sleep.
Will be waking up at 5AM today.
FUCK FUCK FUCK.
GOOD NIGHT!!!

P.S: Is it wrong to be attracted to 2 people at once.............? I feel so wrong.............. Tell me it isn't wrong.

I just remembered something traumatizing from my dream last night.

I was kissing someone, and it was a fucking horrible.  They person was absolutely HORRIBLE at kissing.
OH shit, I remember who I kissed now, "T".

OH SHIT THAT IS SO FUCKING GROSS!! HE'S LIKE A BROTHER TO ME!!!

OH GOD AND THE KISS WAS SO HORRIBLY EXECUTED!!!!!! SO TERRIBLE!!!!!!
This makes me not want to kiss people......... That was a very traumatizing dream.

Just bought my ticket for Ajapai's show in L.A. this July.
SUPER FUCKING EXCITED FOR THAT!

I just wish........Adam was here to go with me too...

ADAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He was the one that introduced me to Ajapai!!!!!!

An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet,

regardless of time, place, or circumstance.

The thread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break.

- An ancient Chinese belief

Whether we end up together or not, in a romantic way or not.
I’ll always Love YOU and I’ll always Support YOU.
Adam Ta!
LFL= 1♥ 

________________________________________________________

Adam!

Tonight was the first time I mentioned you in a more public domain (my tumblr).
I was hesitant at first because Ida follows my tumblr, and....... I thought it was going to be really awkward if she finds out in this way......

But after a minute or two or three of contemplation I was like, MEH, dgaf, Ima post it anyway!

I'm pretty sure Alex still stalks my tumblr, so he'll know too, LOL actually, he probably already knows because I tagged you in my school girl profile picture on facebook.  Oh wait, Ida probably knows too.  Hm, oh wait, actually I'm not quite sure about the latter because I don't know how often people actually like at who's actually "tagged" in a photo unless there is more than 1 person in the photo.  But I do know for sure Alex would've noticed. Lulzy.

The facebook profile picture tagging is probably pretty obscure and vague.
So the tumblr post is confirmation for anyone with doubts.

Alrighty, it's time for me to wash up and go to sleep, I have to wake up early to study for my Poli Sci midterm.

I LOVE YOU!!!!